Day 8 - Socially Awkward

Was lucky enough to meet up with someone today, who gave up a few hours or her afternoon to meet up with me, which I thought was very kind of her - I thought her and I got along just fine, but I guess I'll never know what she thought of me.

I said "Thank you" a lot in emails to her, and even though I felt like I wanted to say it more, and thought I probably shouldn't say it too much ...  I hope I wasn't in anyway intimidating, or didn't  make her feel uncomfortable in anyway.

When I meet people for the first time, I'm never sure of what to say, and of what not to say.  Sometimes there's long pauses of silence ... Should that silence be filled with words, or left untouched?  I'm fine either way, but I was personally perfectly comfortable in the presence of that person in silence.

You can't really judge someone - even though it's human nature to do so - on your first meeting with them.  Usually in first meetings you're both on your guard, assessing what is okay and not okay to be said in front of this person.  With those deep underlying fears like "Can I be myself around this person?  Is it okay to be me?" etc.

Also, I was expecting to get along well with this person, and, even though I would've liked to get along better, I thought we got along just fine.  And that makes me wonder if your opinion of a person can be altered by the shadow of expectations?

Also, sometimes it's hard to hear - not because you're going deaf, and not because the other person's not speaking loudly enough, but because the sound of your conversation is being drowned out by surrounding noises.  In those times ... is it better to pretend to have heard them and nod your head politely, or is it better to ask them to repeat themselves (to clarify exactly what the conversation is about)?  And what if you don't quite catch what they say the second time?  Then what?

My perception of events was that her and I, in many ways, were quite similar (dislike of large social gathers preferring a smaller group of close friends; enjoying socialising when necessary, but enjoying your own company just as much, too), however, I could also see that in many ways here I are quite different (messy vs. tidy; unorganised vs organised).

When you meet someone for the first time, it's impossible to know that persons past and what life events (good or bad) have made them into the person that they are today ... But still, it's human nature to make snap-judgements on people (without even realising your doing it) based on the life-events of your past and the kinds of people that you've been previously exposed to that this new person reminds you of.

When you meet someone for the first time, you have to learn to be not only open minded but open hearted.


Sometimes I feel like no one will ever see through to my heart.  How do I make it so this heart of mine will shine strongly through my rugged exterior?  I can't help that other people find me intimidating - that's just who I am.  You have to learn to accept people for who they are, "warts and all," all the old saying goes.

If my rough-edged exterior was coal and you had the strength and the patience to crush through it ... do you think you might find a diamond? ;-)